The Power of Positive Thinking…is not real!
(Don’t believe me? Prove me wrong.)
If you haven’t noticed by now, a major theme of this blog is this:
“It’s not you! You’re not bad/crazy/lazy/ugly/stupid/mean/weird/etc.”
If you’re single, it’s not because you are a “bad person,” or “hate men,” or have “negative thoughts,” or “give off bad vibes,” or because you just haven’t properly “manifested” a relationship. That’s all baloney!!! However, if you’re stubbornly clinging to the idea that perfect man is out there, he’s just waiting for you, this could be why you’re single. If this is the case, come closer, we need to talk. It’s time for a reality check.
While positive thinking may make you feel better in the short-run, in the long-run, you’ll begin to feel frustrated when you don’t get everything you wanted despite all of your hard work and positive thoughts. Worse, you may even begin to blame yourself because you’ve convinced yourself that everything you experience is the result of your thoughts. Listen up: there is no such thing as people sending “vibrations” or “energies” or “karmic spells” into the universe. Sorry, but it just doesn’t happen. And faith is fine, i suppose, just so long as it’s coupled with hard work and common sense. (**See bottom of post.)
Before I end up with a bad rap, let me say this: positive thinking is not bad. As a matter of fact, anything that makes you feel good, safe, or confident is good. However, anything that teaches you that your thoughts alone can determine your good fortune or misfortune is harmful. The universe is neither benign nor malignant — it’s indifferent. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people all the time. Sometimes, stuff happens and it’s nobody’s fault; it just is what it is and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
- This is not always true…
In sum, while wishful thinking isn’t the appropriate response to a drab situation, neither is negative thinking or wallowing in self-pity. Balance is key. The best course of action is to be realistic and make an honest assessment of every situation. That way, you can formulate possible solutions and put them to work. When bad things happen, try your best to assess the situation, pinpoint the problem, forgive all parties involved (including yourself if necessary), and then move past it. That’s really all you can do. (But, hey, if you can do more, you ought to.) Once you get the hang of it, it can make all the difference in the world. ”Perspective” is key. It is the difference between a happy or content life and a miserable one.
Remember: “We hold the authority over the positive and negative in our lives. Only give permission to the positive.”
Until Next time,
Ciao!!!
____________________________________
**For example, realistically speaking, for black women, there *is* a man shortage of available black men. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that there isn’t. It exists and the disproportionately few black men available know it. Buying into the idea that there isn’t a shortage or that there is a man out there just for you and you don’t have to do anything to get him except wait for him to cross your path is self-deceptive and will only work to your disadvantage. This kind of thinking will encourage you to become complacent which doesn’t bode well in the current dating market, a market so fickle and competitive and dependent on luck as well as skill. As with everything else in your life, you’re going to have to put your bid in (like everyone else) and work toward it (like everyone else).
For everyone else (black women included), the reality is this: the dating landscape has changed. It’s 2010 2011, not your mother’s heyday. If you think a guy, any guy, let alone the perfect guy, is just going to find you without you putting in any effort or without a strategy, you’re wrong. The rules have changed. Men have changed. Women have changed. And you’d better get with the program.
In the past, dating and courtship were a means to an end — i.e., the end: to find a life-long spouse. These days, companionship, marriage, and building a family are merely options because we’ve found other ways to lead fulfilling lives–which is a good thing. However, the flip-side of that is this: many of us (men especially) can simply do without it, which makes it that much harder and that much more unlikely that you’ll find a partner randomly and frequently. What’s more, the dating game weighs significantly in men’s favor. Their standards are high, their expectations are sometimes unreasonable, and many feel entitled to more than they’re worth. (It’s a pity really, but I digress.) And while I’m not suggesting that men hold all the cards, there’s no denying that their reproductive advantage translates into their dating advantage.
Related posts
- Dating Myth: The "Good Guy"
- ...and American women think WE have it bad!
- Video: Dr. Terrence Real, How to Apologize to Your Partner
- [Reading]:: Domestic Abuse
- Video:...I Guess You'll Do
