What the hell gives? Every time you turn around, you see or hear of single, eligible men and you wonder, “Well why the hell are you single? Why the hell aren’t you dating anyone? Better yet, why the hell aren’t you dating me?” I’ve told you the main answer to this already (he doesn’t think you’re hot enough), but let’s consider a few other factors. Based on my findings, by and large, those single, eligible men you’re seeing and hearing about out there are in fact not single (and if you ask me, not that eligible). A “single” man is a fiction; a figment of the imagination. Men don’t “do single” (<–I’ll elaborate further in a later post). However, sometimes, in very rare instances, men do “do single” and according to you, this maladaptive condition is ruining your (love) life.
As such, this post is about those guys, the bane of our existence, the ones who refuse to settle down and take the plunge and commit to a relationship. This group mainly consists two kinds. The first, a rare bred, is the group of guys who are completely single and have absolutely no prospects or potentials on deck. The other, is the the far more common type, the serial dater or the guy who’s got a girl that he’s stringing along, avoiding the “C” word at every turn. Together, they make up that tribe of single men who will forever elude us with their penchant for non-commitment. Before you commit them to the sewers of your hearts and minds, hear them out first. They have their reasons.
Below, peep: the top FIVE reasons why these guys are holding out on you and will keep holding out on you.
1) Relationships are hard work & time-consuming
I’ll be the first to admit that the time, money, attention, and emotional resources that relationships require can at times be taxing on an individual. Some men simply don’t have the desire or the resources to pour into a relationship. Let’s see: when you decide to be in a relationship, you’re no longer responsible for your own well-being and emotions, now you have to deal with worrying about another person’s well-being and emotions. And then dates. We all know that a good deal of the financial burden falls on the man. Whether that’s a standard that’s self-imposed, one he feels from society, or one he feels from you, a man may feel burdened and overwhelmed by the idea of spending a good portion of his hard-earned money on someone other than himself. In addition, in order to maintain the relationship and make sure it’s progressing nicely, one must be patient and tenacious. This can be a big burden on anyone, especially someone who is also juggling a career, close friends, family, and a hobby or Madden recreational activity that makes them happy. All this can be a lot for anyone and certainly more than any man (especially one who can probably get all the benefits of being in a relationship without actually being in a relationship). And truly, can you blame him?
2) Relationships can have negative consequences
It’s all about self-preservation for this guy. He knows that relationships can be intense, noisy, suffocating, and full of drama. At their worst, relationships can create the kind of negative energy that can either cause emotional stress or incite rage and violence in him (or the woman). While relationships can have many positive benefits, some of which are long lasting and far-reaching, the possible negative consequences are just enough to deter him from taking the risk. What’s more? Any man worth his salt knows that relationships require vulnerability which everybody knows is the key ingredient for a broken heart and who the hell needs that? Why would someone expose themselves in such a way, only to be bitterly disappointed in the end? For some men, it’s just a gamble that they’re not willing to take. Perhaps after they’ve learned how to love and trust again, the can be brave enough to take that chance. Until then….
3) A misconception of what a relationship is
This is the man who thinks that a relationship would be just perfect if it didn’t involve women. For these men, lockeroom hearsay is gospel and like the men above, they’d rather eat a bag of nails than take a risk getting into a relationship. These men listen to their friends complain incessantly and they buy into the hype that they’re better off without women. Women, according to the grapevine, are nothing but trouble. They’re selfish, materialistic, needy, unpredictable, incomprehensible, and every thing a man who is scared shitless of women can think of. What a pity. If they were smart, they would ask their friends, “Well if relationships were so horrible, why are you (still) in one? ” Guess they didn’t get the memo of all the great sexual positions perks you can get from being in a relationship. SMH
4) He’s just not interested in a settling down
If you ask this guy what are his two favorite things about being single he’ll say: freedom & varied sex. This is a guy for whom single life is going just fine and if it ain’t broke, then why fix it. Ms. Right, Ms. Perfect, and Ms. Don’t-let-me-be-the-one-that-got-away can all circle around this guy like hungry sharks but he’s still not ready to come off the auction block. He doesn’t have anything against women, or hard work, or occasional drama, he reasons, “Hey, if I can ride this commitment-free-sex-with-as-many-women-as-I-want thing out for as long as I can, why not?”
5) Inability to secure the type of mate that he wants
And last but not least is this guy, the one who genuinely wants to be in a relationship, but he’s unable to get dates with the type of women he likes. Put succinctly, what wants more than he can get. He’s either not attractive enough or he lacks the status or the wealth needed to score his ideal mate. This man is doing what I call “waiting while he builds up his stock.”
He knows if he’s ever going to have the chance at the kind of women he wants, he’s going to have to work-out, get a wardrobe makeover, lose some weight, make some more money, get a nicer car, earn another degree, et cetera , et cetera. He’d rather wait than “settle” for a woman on his level. Men who hold out for better than they can get now are not uncommon. Sometimes they wait completely, not seeing anyone in the meantime, or they date “down” or at eye-level, secretly hoping that as soon as someone better (in his mind) comes along, he can upgrade the woman he’s with now for a better, cuter, thinner, more compliant model. It’s not pretty, but hey, it is what it is.
So, there you have it ladies. Like I always say: “You’re not crazy, so it’s not you (unless, of course you are, then it is).” Stop internalizing your single situation and blaming yourself for your single status. As long as men are the ones who “do the picking,” and these five issues are their concern, there are always going to be single women. You just gotta figure out how not to be that woman.
That’s what I’m here for. So keep reading.
Until next time,
Ciao!!!
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